A few weeks ago when I was thinking about writing this post I was convinced it was going to be a good bye. I was done blogging. It didn’t excite me anymore and I just decided that it was time to put it aside. I reflected a lot during the last months on what I wanted. And it just seemed that blogging wasn’t part of that equation anymore.
2020 was rough. I think everyone can agree, it was one of the worse years many of us have been through. Besides the pandemic that was happening which had me worrying about my job and if it will still exist at the end of all this, I also had to mourn the loss of my father. Last August, my father passed away of heart failure. It has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. Trying to be ok with the reality that I will never see or talk to him again. You never know how much you miss someone’s voice until they are no longer with you. I miss him every day, every moment and that void will be there forever. But I know that eventually this pain will lessen and the good memories will surface.
With all this happening it made blogging not a priority. Every time I thought about writing a review it just felt like too much. I hadn’t been reading much either. I just sat around watching TV and taking care of my mother though she didn’t need me, she is strong as hell.
My conclusion was that maybe blogging is just not for me. I struggle everytime I have to write a review. I never find it good enough or clever enough. I’m always timid of putting them out there and have others read them. I always feel that they are silly and miss the mark completely. I put so much pressure on myself and created this idea of what I thought it was to book blog. What the expectations are. I needed to have a post everyday and that just felt like too much. So I was done.
I was also no longer interested in all the books I was looking forward to. I picked up so many books during these past months and just had to put them back up on the shelves. Nothing was grabbing me. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I wanted something that would get me excited about reading again. I decided to look at other genres. I’ve been on mostly YA for the past few years and had not really looked at much else. But when September hit, I just started looking at thrillers and horror books. This got me in one of the biggest rabbit hole, lol. I got to look at general and historical fiction which led to literary fiction. And then something happened. I started to get excited about books and reading again. With all this excitement I had to question myself again, was I really ready to quit my blog? The answer that came to me was no. I felt that I wanted to share these new stories and talk about them with you all.
I decided to rebrand my blog so that it really felt like a new beginning. The fear of failing is still there but that’s something I will have to work on. My mentra will be: It’s ok, it doesn’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to put up a post every day. I’m also going to stop putting this pressure on myself when it comes to reviewing. My style is perfectly fine and my reviews are good enough.
So here I am some 600 words later to say : Hello, again! It’s so nice to see, I have missed you.